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Friday 8 November 2019

Your Quiet Grief

Gone are the days of public grieving
Gone are the days of wearing your heart on your sleeve.
To the outside world, atleast to the ones who care about you
You are back.
A bit haunted perhaps
But you are back.
They breathe a sigh of relief
When they hear your unexpected laugh
Or when they hear you make a lame joke
Or see you smile.

Very few can actually see that the smile doesn't quite reach your eyes.
Your laughter is not as carefree or as spontaneous as it was.

The circle that get to see your inner grief
Your inner pain and anguish
Gets fewer and smaller
With the passing of time.
And finally you are left with none.

Do you shed a tear in front of your friends
And kill their buzz?
Or do you shed a tear in front of your mum
And crumple her balance?
How about your siblings
Who are grieving in private too?
Or maybe your partner
But how much more sadness does he need to bear
Looking at yours?
Or In front of your child
God no! Your child who is so sensitive to all your moods
And all you want to give him is your happy self.

So where and how do you grieve
When 
you see something that reminds you
Of the one you lost
A song that they liked
A book
Their favourite food
A place they wanted to visit
A beautiful sunset
A sublime moonrise

How do you stop the emotions from rushing through
Your very bones
Your very soul.
It's so much easier to grieve in private
Maybe in the shower
Your tears mingling with the bath water
Or under the cover of darkness
On a walk on the moonlit beach.

Where no one can see nor hear you
Except the one you lost.
Your own grief
Your own very quiet grief.



Image Courtesy: Tricycle.org



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